Relationships often begin with excitement, mutual admiration, and deep connection. But over time, challenges ariseâcommunication breaks down, emotional distance grows, and one partner may begin to feel like theyâre the only one putting in the effort. If you find yourself wondering, âWhy am I the only one trying?â youâre not alone. This situation is difficult, but not impossible to navigate.
The good news is, you can improve your relationship even when your partner isn’t actively participating, at least initially. While it takes two to build a healthy partnership, one personâs consistent, mindful efforts can spark meaningful change.
1. Understanding Why Your Partner Isnât Engaged
Before making changes, itâs essential to identify why your partner seems emotionally distant or disinterested. Some common reasons include:
- Stress or burnout (from work, parenting, finances)
- Unresolved emotional issues or trauma
- Different love languages or communication styles
- Depression or mental health struggles
- Apathy or growing emotional disconnect
- Taking the relationship for granted
Recognising the underlying causes helps you shift from blame to understanding and strategy.
  2. Focus on What You Can Control
You can’t force your partner to change, but you can take control of your actions, attitudes, and emotional responses. This involves:
- Practising emotional regulation
- Reframing negative thoughts
- Responding with empathy instead of anger
According to relationship researcher John Gottman, couples who practice “emotional bids”âsmall gestures of affection, appreciation, or connectionâcreate a stronger emotional bank account (Gottman & Silver, 1999). Start making these bids without expecting immediate reciprocation. Over time, your partner may begin to respond.
 3. Improve Communication Without Criticism
When a relationship feels one-sided, it’s tempting to express frustration through criticism or passive-aggressive behaviour. However, this often pushes the other person further away.
Instead, use non-confrontational language to express your feelings. Try this formula:
âI feel [emotion] when [situation] because [reason]. If we could [desired action], it would be greatly appreciated.â
Example: âI feel lonely when we donât talk after work because I miss connecting with you. Iâd love it if we could have 15 minutes just to check in.â
This fosters communication that is respectful, honest, and focused on needs rather than blame.
4. Lead With Love, Not Ultimatums
When your partner is emotionally checked out, threats or ultimatums may seem like a shortcut to engagement. But real change is more likely to come from compassion and consistency than coercion.
Start by modelling the relationship you want. Show kindness, practice gratitude, and extend affection without expecting anything in return. Over time, this creates emotional safety, something your partner may not even realise they need.
According to Chapman (2015), understanding and using your partnerâs love language (e.g., words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time) can reignite dormant emotional connections.
 5. Create Emotional Safety
Your partner may be disengaged because they feel judged, misunderstood, or emotionally unsafe. Emotional safety means both partners feel accepted and valued, even when expressing vulnerability.
To build emotional safety:
- Avoid sarcasm, blame, or yelling
- Practice active listening (reflect what you hear)
- Validate your partnerâs feelings, even if you donât agree
When someone feels emotionally safe, they are more likely to open up, reconnect, and invest in the relationship again.
6. Reignite Connection Through Shared Moments
If words aren’t working, try reconnecting through non-verbal shared experiences:
- Cook a meal together
- Watch a favourite movie
- Go for a walk or drive
- Share music, art, or humour
These moments can build emotional bridges without requiring deep conversations, and they often open the door to more meaningful dialogue.
7. Invest in Yourself, Too
When you’re carrying the emotional weight of the relationship, it’s easy to feel depleted. Self-neglect can lead to resentment and emotional burnout.
Make sure you’re:
- Maintaining friendships and hobbies
- Prioritizing self-care and mental health
- Pursuing personal growth (therapy, reading, journaling)
Improving yourself doesnât mean giving up on your relationship, it means becoming a stronger, more grounded partner who can lead with clarity and compassion.
8. Know When to Set Boundaries
If your partnerâs disengagement turns into disrespect or emotional neglect, itâs essential to set healthy boundaries. Boundaries arenât about control; theyâre about protecting your emotional and mental well-being.
For example:
- âItâs important for me to feel emotionally supported. If that continues to be missing, Iâll need to reconsider what this relationship means for me.â
These boundaries communicate self-respectâand may even jolt your partner into realising whatâs at stake.
9. Seek Professional Help
Couples therapy is seen as a last step, but it can be a first step. If your partner is reluctant, consider starting individual counselling for yourself. A therapist can help you:
- Understand relationship patterns
- Build emotional resilience
- Navigate difficult conversations
Platforms like TalktoAngel make it easy to connect with qualified psychologists across India through online sessions, making professional help more accessible than ever.
10. Be Honest About the Future
While many relationships can be repaired with patience and care, not all are meant to last. If you’ve tried your best and your partner remains indifferent or emotionally unavailable, itâs okay to reevaluate your needs.
Ask yourself:
- Am I growing or shrinking in this relationship?
- Do I feel seen, valued, and emotionally safe?
- Is this effort sustainable for me long-term?
Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is let go with grace, especially if the relationship is preventing you from living fully and authentically.
Conclusion
Improving your relationship when your partner isnât trying is one of the most emotionally demanding tasks. But itâs also one of the most powerful forms of love. It requires courage, empathy, and vision. You may not be able to change your partnerâs behaviour, but you can change the environment of the relationship. And often, that shift is enough to inspire re-engagement or clarity, whether together or apart. Even if things donât improve overnight, know this: Your effort matters. Your growth matters. And you deserve a relationship where love, respect, and emotional safety flow both ways.
If you’re struggling to navigate a one-sided relationship and searching for the âbest psychologist near me,â professional support is within reach. The experienced therapists at Psychowellness Center in Janakpuri and Dwarka Sector-17, Delhi, specialise in emotional regulation, relationship challenges, and personal empowerment. Prefer online sessions? TalktoAngel provides safe, confidential therapy with leading psychologists across India. Reclaiming your emotional well-being is a powerful step, call 011-47039812 or 7827208707 and start your journey toward clarity, strength, and emotional balance.
This article was written by Dr. R. K. Suri, a Clinical Psychologist, and Ms. Sangeeta Pal, a Counseling Psychologist. If you’re seeking expert advice or mental health assistance, consider scheduling a session with them.
This blog was posted on 31 July 2025
ReferencesÂ
Chapman, G. (2015). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.
Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Crown.
World Health Organisation. (2022). Mental health and substance use: Strengthening relationships and promoting mental health. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-health-strengthening-our-response
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