Life might occasionally present us with unforeseen difficulties, events that profoundly disturb us and have a lasting effect. These intense, painful experiences are often called trauma. They might include a sudden accident, long-term abuse, the death of someone close, or even an experience that deeply shames us. While physical wounds may eventually heal, trauma often leaves behind emotional scars, especially in how we view ourselves, our self-worth and self-identity.
Think of your self-image as a carefully crafted mirror. Before trauma, this mirror may have reflected a clear picture of who you are: confident, lovable, and worthy. But after trauma, itâs as if that mirror has shattered, leaving behind broken, unclear pieces that distort the way you see yourself.
The Erosion of Self-Worth: “Am I Enough?”
Self-worth is a strong inner belief that we have value simply because of who we are, not based on our achievements or the approval of others. It’s the whisper that says, “I am worthy of love, respect, and happiness.” Trauma, however, can relentlessly erode this foundational belief.
- Shame and Guilt: Internalising shame and guilt is a frequent and sneaky side effect of trauma. Survivors often grapple with questions like, “What did I do wrong?” or “Why did this happen to me?” even when they are entirely blameless. This self-blame, whether conscious or unconscious, directly attacks self-worth, making individuals feel inherently flawed or deserving of what they endured.
- Feeling Powerless and Helpless: Trauma often comes with a feeling of being out of control. Later, this can grow into a belief like, âI canât change anything in my life,â or âIâm always stuck.â This takes away a personâs confidence and belief in themselves.
- The “Unlovable” Narrative: For many, especially those who experienced interpersonal trauma, the traumatic event can twist their perception of being worthy of love and connection. They might internalise messages that they are somehow “damaged” or “unlovable,” leading to isolation and a reluctance to form close bonds.
 How Trauma Changes Self-Concept: “Who Am I Now?”
Trauma doesnât just make people feel less worthy, it can also change the way they see themselves.
- Loss of Identity: After a big traumatic event, people may feel like they donât recognise themselves. They may lose interest in things they once loved or feel disconnected from their personality.
- Always on Alert: Trauma can make the world feel unsafe. People may become overly alert (hypervigilant) and have trouble trusting others. This becomes part of how they see themselves, someone whoâs always tense or scared.
- Being Labelled by the Trauma: Someone who had a car accident may see themselves only as a âvictimâ or âthe injured person.â While the event may have changed their life, it doesnât have to define them, but trauma can make it feel that way.
- Emotional Ups and Downs: Trauma can disturb emotional balance. Some days, a person might feel numb. Other days, emotions might feel too strong to handle. This can make them feel unstable or “not themselves.”
Approaches and Suitable Help
The good news is that healing is possible, and the mirror can be pieced back together, often even stronger than before. Itâs a journey rather than a final destination, but with the right support, self-worth and self-concept can be rediscovered and strengthened over time.
Key Approaches to Healing:
- Trauma-Informed Therapy: This is paramount. Therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) adapted for trauma, and Somatic Experiencing are specifically designed to address the impact of trauma on the brain and body. A skilled therapist can help process the traumatic memories, challenge negative thought patterns, and regulate emotional responses.
- Building a Safe Space: Creating a sense of physical and emotional safety is crucial. This might involve setting boundaries in relationships, finding supportive communities, or engaging in activities that promote a sense of calm and security.
- Self-Compassion: Learning to be kind and understanding towards oneself, especially during moments of distress, is vital. This is identifying your pain without making assumptions and addressing yourself with the same attention you would give a close friend.
- Reclaiming Agency: Engaging in activities that foster a sense of control and empowerment can counteract the feelings of helplessness associated with trauma. This could be anything from setting small, achievable goals to advocating for oneself or others.
- Mindfulness and Body-Based Practices: Practices like yoga, meditation, and deep breathing can help reconnect with the body, which often becomes disconnected during trauma. These practices can help regulate the nervous system and promote a sense of groundedness.
- Support Systems: Building connections with trusted friends, family members, or support groups can offer essential emotional support, understanding, and a sense of belonging. Talking about your experiences in a safe and supportive space can help ease feelings of loneliness and reduce shame.
Conclusion
Trauma doesn’t just affect the moments in which it happensâit can continue to shape how we see ourselves long after the event. It can deeply shake our sense of worth and identity, leaving us feeling broken, unsure, or unlovable. With the right supportâwhether through therapy, trusted relationships, or self-care practicesâindividuals can begin to rebuild their sense of self. Slowly, the broken pieces of the mirror can come back together, often forming a stronger, more resilient version. Acknowledging the pain, seeking help, and allowing space for healing can help us reconnect with who we truly are: valuable, capable, and worthy of love.
If youâre searching for the âbest psychologist near meâ to help you work through trauma, call 011-47039812 or 7827208707 to book an appointment at the Psychowellness Centre in Janakpuri or Dwarka. For the convenience of online therapy tailored to your emotional well-being, the TalktoAngel platform also provides trusted and compassionate care.
This article was written with expert contributions from Dr. R.K. Suri, a trusted authority in clinical psychology, and Ms. Swati Yadav, a committed counseling psychologist.Â
  References
- Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violenceâfrom Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.
- van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.
- Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
- American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Understanding trauma. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma