The sunkâcost fallacy, also known as escalation of commitment, is a wellâdocumented cognitive bias where individuals continue investing in a failing course of action because they have already invested significant time, effort, money, or emotion. In the realm of romantic relationships, this bias can cause a person to stay in an unfulfilling or even harmful relationship simply because theyâve already invested so much, leading to further emotional pain rather than happiness.
- What Is a Sunk Cost?
Any resource, whether it be money, time, or emotional energy, that has already been used and cannot be recouped is referred to as a sunk cost. First, admit that previous expenses have influenced your choices. According to logic and economics, rational decision-making requires that only prospective future costs and benefits should be taken into account when making decisions about current or future investments. Yet, in practice, people struggle to follow this principle.
Behavioural economists and psychologists highlight several psychological drivers that make the sunkâcost fallacy so compelling:
- Loss aversion: We feel losses more intensely than we value equivalent gains, making it painful to âwalk awayâ from past investments (Kahneman & Tversky, 1979).
- Framing effects: We avoid scenarios framed as losses, even if rationally it’s better to cut losses.
- Personal responsibility & desire to avoid waste: We’ve created or contributed; stopping feels like admitting failure or wastefulness.
- Over optimism: We cling to past investments, believing things will eventually improve, even when evidence suggests otherwise.
- How It Manifests in Romantic Relationships
- Â Time & Emotional Investment
The more time invested in a relationship, years of shared history, growth, routinesâthe harder it is to rationally evaluate whether itâs still beneficial. Long-term relationships can become emotionally habitual, less about love and more about continuity.
- Shared Life and Material Investments
Shared living arrangements, pets, children, joint purchases, mutual friendships, these create tangible and intangible âcostsâ that feel too heavy to abandon. Many stay together not because they are happy, but because they feel burdened by the logistics of separating.
- Social & Cultural Pressure
Society often praises the idea of perseverance, especially in longâterm partnerships and marital relationships. People frequently stay in unhappy relationships to avoid disappointing family and friends, or to avoid the stigma of âgiving upâ .
- Fear of the Unknown
The known, even if unsatisfying, is predictable. Leaving introduces uncertainty, loneliness, and fear. When we weigh âendure discomfort we knowâ versus âbravely step into unknown discomfort,â staying often seems easier, even if, long-term, it harms our well-being.
- Attachment Styles
People with anxious attachment styles are more prone to staying in unhealthy relationships because they fear abandonment and deeply value emotional intimacy, even when it comes at a personal cost.
- Interpersonal Sunk Cost
We may stay in relationships not only because of our investments but also because we feel weâd be wasting our partnerâs investments. Research shows people often act similarly to others, loyally honoring investments made by others, even when it hurts them.
- Why This Bias is Harmful
- Declining wellâbeing: Staying in unhappy relationships compromises mental health, reduces self-esteem, heightens stress, and increases risk of anxiety/depression.
- Stalled personal growth: When you stay out of duty or fear, you lose new experiences and the chance to find a truly compatible partner.
- Resentment & erosion of connection: When you remain out of obligation, even affectionate feelings can become strained, causing increased irritability and resentment.
- Opportunity costs: Every year spent in an unsatisfying relationship is time that could have been spent building one that fulfils you.
- Why We Stay: Underlying Psychological Drivers
- Cognitive dissonance: Admitting that staying was a mistake generates psychological tension. People rationalise staying by focusing on small positives and downplaying negatives.
- Dependence: The more one depends on a partner for emotional regulation or financial security, the harder it is to leave.
- Fear & attachment anxiety: The thought of abandonment triggers intense fear and can override personal happiness.
- Scarcity of alternatives: When we believe a worthwhile partner is unlikely to be found outside, we cling to the familiarâeven if weâre unhappy.
- Breaking the Cycle: How to Recognize & Overcome
- Awareness & Reflection
First, admit that previous expenses have influenced your choices. Ask: Am I only staying because Iâve invested so much?. Regular journaling or self-reflection can help surface cognitive dissonance and emotional motivations.
- Prospective Thinking
Shift your attention from what has been lost to what has been gained. Ask yourself:
- “If I stay, will I be happier in a year?”This mental shift from past to future can be liberating.
- Accountability & Social Input
Discuss your relationship openly with trusted friends or a professional. Therapy can help separate emotional bias from clarity and expose attachment-driven motives. When people speak fear into your ear, external feedback can counter internal biases.
- Define Personal Goals & Growth
Reconnect with yourself. Reignite interests, friendships, or career goals that donât involve your partner. Reducing emotional dependency gives you the space to objectively evaluate the relationship.
- Conduct Rituals of Closure
If you decide to leave, consider using meaningful rituals to mark the end, writing a letter, returning specific mementos, symbolic acts. Rituals can help your brain process closure and prevent recurrent rumination on shared memories.
- Re-evaluate the Relationship
If you choose to work on the relationship, approach it objectively. Identify whether unresolved issues stem from compatibility or commitment based on past investment. Engaging in couple counseling, is often beneficial.
Conclusion
The sunk cost fallacy can keep us emotionally trapped in relationships that no longer serve our growth. We often hold on, not because the relationship is fulfilling, but because weâve already invested so much time, energy, and emotion. But staying in something unhealthy just to justify the past only deepens emotional pain and delays healing.
Healing begins with clarity. Ask yourself: Am I here because of love and shared vision, or because I fear that walking away means everything was for nothing? Shifting your mindset from âIâve come this farâ to âIs this still right for me?â is the first step toward emotional freedom. Letting go doesnât mean failure, itâs a courageous decision to make space for something healthier and more aligned with your future.
If youâre struggling to make sense of your emotions or feeling stuck in a relationship due to past investments, seeking professional support can help. If youâre searching for the âbest psychologist near me,â expert help is closer than you think. The experienced therapists at Psychowellness Center, based in Janakpuri and Dwarka Sector-17, Delhi, specialise in guiding individuals through emotional and relational challenges. Do you prefer assistance in the convenience of your own home? Â TalktoAngel offers safe, confidential online therapy sessions with top psychologists across India.
Taking back control of your emotional spaceâand freeing yourself from the weight of the past, is one of the most empowering choices you can make. To begin your journey toward clarity, healing, and long-term well-being, call 011-47039812 or 7827208707 today.
 In this article, clinical psychologist Dr. R. K. Suri and counselling psychologist Ms. Garima Tiwari contribute their professional understanding and perspectives on mental health.
This blog was posted on 28 July 2025
References
Arkes, H. R., & Blumer, C. (1985). The psychology of sunk cost. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 35(1), 124â140. https://doi.org/10.1016/0749-5978(85)90049-4
Kahneman, D., & Tversky, A. (1979). Prospect theory: An analysis of decision under risk. Econometrica, 47(2), 263â292.
Olivola, C. Y. (2018). The interpersonal sunkâcost effect. Psychological Science. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797617752641
Travers, M. (2024, February 14). 3 reasons the âsunkâcost fallacyâ keep us stuck in bad relationships. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2024/02/14/3-reasons-the-sunk-cost-fallacy-keep-us-stuck-in-bad-relationships/
Mark Manson. (2025). Why do we stay in bad relationships? https://markmanson.net/why-we-stay-in-bad-relationships