Overcoming Guilt and Shame After Experiencing Verbal Abuse

Overcoming Guilt and Shame After Experiencing Verbal Abuse


Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse. It occurs when someone verbally abuses, dominates mocks, manipulates, and/or disrespects another person while also having a negative effect on that person's psychological well-being. After all, verbal abuse frequently includes shouting, insults, naming names, and humiliating actions. But people underestimate the severity of verbal abuse. Some people experience verbal abuse on a regular basis without even being aware of it.

Signs of verbal abuse

  • Yelling

  • Name-calling

  • Insulting you 

  • Trying to get you to doubt your own self (gaslighting)

  • Privacy violation

  • Penalizing you for refusing to conform to their wishes

  • Attempting to manage your life

  • Keeping you apart from your family and friends

  • Threats, whether hidden or explicit

  • Your abuser makes you nervous.

  • You feel as though you must approach the other person carefully.

  • You feel uneasy discussing personal matters with them for fear of being criticized or made fun of. 

  • You are hesitant to accompany them out in public due to their potential negative comments.

  • You experience threat.

  • You experience frequent comments about the way you appear, behave, think, dress, or speak.

  • They yell at you but then suggest that you are oversensitive or lack humor They overreact to small problems and then blame you for the following argument. This makes you feel inferior or ashamed of who you are.

  • When you're among other people, they hide their verbal abuse, but when you're alone yourself, they act completely differently and make you feel bad about whatever they accuse you of doing.

Short term effects of verbal abuse

At first, you might be in denial. Finding yourself in such a circumstance might be shocking. It's normal to wish you were wrong. You might also experience:

  • Confusion

  • Fear

  • Hopelessness

  • Shame

There may be behavioural and physical adverse effects from this emotional strain. You might confront:

  • Moodiness 

  • Difficulties concentrating

  • Recurring nightmares

  • Tension

  • Different aches and pains

  • Heart palpitations

Long term effects of verbal abuse

According to studies, severe emotional abuse can have an impact just as great as physical violence. You may also create:

  • Anxiety

  • Persistent discomfort 

  • Guilt 

  • Insomnia

  • Absence of friends 

  • Loneliness

According to some researchers, illnesses like fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome may be brought on by emotional trauma.

Effect of verbal abuse on children

  • Clinical depression

  • Low self esteem

  • Deterioration in performances

  • Development of inferiority complexes

  • Health issues

  • Hopelessness regarding life

  • Development of antisocial tendencies

Prevalence of guilt and shame

 Abusers employ damaging strategies to undermine their victims' sense of worth and undermine their sense of self-worth. When a victim finally assembles the confidence to express their desire or want, they are quickly filled with guilt and feel unworthy of good things. In the end, these feelings are magnified by the shame and guilt that comes from understanding that the violent situation is wrong but being helpless to change it.

Abusers employ these painful emotions as a tool to maintain control and domination over their victims. An abuser may employ a variety of tactics, including manipulation, harsh criticism, and gaslighting. Seek support from the Best psychologist in India, Counseling psychologist or Online counselor for more guidance.

Shame because they didn’t walk away

Additionally, you shouldn't scold yourself for not leaving at the first indication of abuse. You wanted to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt because you love them. You wanted to believe his promises that he wouldn't ever again abuse you.

Victims of emotional abuse frequently minimize their partner's abusive actions and how they are impacting them. For example, you might have convinced yourself that your partner's abusive conduct wasn't that bad despite the reality that it was becoming worse. You may have read or heard about horrific tales of domestic abuse or intimate partner violence in which the victim was tortured, humiliated, or even killed. It's possible that learning about these cases of abuse that involved physical violence made it more difficult for you to realize that you were being emotionally abused. Your partner has never really assaulted you, slammed you against a wall, or shut you in a room, after all. Take guidance from a nearby counselor, by searching for the Best psychologist delhi.

Shame that you didn’t took a stand for yourself

It's common to blame emotional abuse victims for not defending themselves when their partner first started abusing them. However, most abusers are highly skilled at responding to worries raised by their spouses. He may have disregarded your comments as being excessively harsh each time you found anything about your partner that upset you. In order to control you again, he or she may have even listened to your worries and excessively apologized. He might have apologized and explained that he was under a lot of strain at work and that he was sorry for displacing it out on you. She might have apologized for being so jealous and promised to never let it happen again.

For mental health therapy, you may also schedule an appointment with renowned, licenced psychologists at the Psychowellness Centre. The centre is dispersed around NOIDA, Dwarka, Janakpuri, Faridabad, and Delhi NCR.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Ms. Sakshi Kochhar, Psychologist.