In relationships, emotional intimacy is essential for growth and understanding. However, sometimes, we might unconsciously slip into patterns of behaviour that indicate a desire to control our partner’s feelings. Recognising these signs is the first step toward fostering healthier dynamics.
Imagine a scenario where your partner comes to you feeling upset after a difficult day. Instead of offering support, you find yourself dismissing their feelings or reacting defensively. This moment can set the tone for the entire relationship, creating an environment where open communication and emotional vulnerability are restrained. If you’re reading this, you may be seeking clarity on how your actions impact your relationship. Grasping the delicate distinction between care and control can be crucial for your emotional well-being and the wellness of your relationship.
Relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding, and when one partner begins to exert control over the otherâs feelings, it can lead to feelings of resentment, isolation, and confusion. Itâs not uncommon to find ourselves in these patterns, especially if weâve experienced difficult relationships in the past or if we struggle with insecurities. The important thing is to recognise these behaviours early and seek to change them. Let’s explore some common indicators that you might be trying to control your partner’s emotions.
- Frequent Criticism and Judgment
One of the most telling signs is the tendency to criticise or judge your partnerâs feelings and reactions. When you dismiss their emotions, you create an environment where they feel invalidated. For instance, if your partner expresses sadness and you respond with statements like âYou shouldnât feel that way,â it not only diminishes their experience but also establishes a power imbalance.
Why It Matters
Criticism can lead to resentment and withdrawal. Itâs essential to create a safe space where both partners can express their feelings without fear of judgment. Instead of criticising, try to respond with empathy and understanding, which can strengthen your bond.
- Overreacting to Their Emotions
If you find yourself overreacting to your partner’s emotional responses, it might indicate a desire to control. For example, if your partner is upset and you become defensive or angry, you may be trying to shift the focus away from their feelings to your discomfort.
The Impact
Overreacting can lead to your partner feeling guilty for expressing themselves and may cause them to suppress their emotions. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication. Practice active listening and validate their feelings, fostering a more supportive relationship dynamic.
- Guilt-Tripping
Using guilt as a tool to manipulate your partner’s feelings is another red flag. Statements like âIf you loved me, you wouldâŠâ serve to pressure your partner into feeling a certain way or acting in a way that benefits you.
The Consequences
Guilt-tripping can undermine trust and foster resentment. Concentrate on sharing your emotions truthfully and openly, fostering a deeper, more genuine bond.
- Withholding Affection or Communication
If youâre withholding affection or communication as a means to control your partnerâs feelings, this behaviour can be damaging. For instance, giving your partner the silent treatment when they upset you can create an atmosphere of fear and uncertainty.
Building Healthy Patterns
Instead of distancing yourself, initiate sincere discussions about your feelings and concerns. This method can promote a nurturing atmosphere where each partner feels appreciated and listened to.
- Setting Unreasonable Expectations
Another sign is the imposition of unreasonable expectations on your partnerâs emotional responses. Expecting your partner to always be happy or to avoid expressing negative emotions can create a toxic atmosphere.
Finding Balance
Each person goes through various feelings. It’s important to acknowledge that your partner has the right to their emotions. Promote transparent conversations regarding expectations and collaborate to establish a harmonious emotional environment.
- Ignoring Boundaries
Disregarding your partnerâs boundaries is a significant indicator of control. If you push your partner to share feelings or engage in discussions when they are not ready, it can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed.
Respecting Individual Space
Comprehending and honouring boundaries is essential for a healthy relationship. Motivate your partner to express themselves at a comfortable speed and confirm that their emotions are legitimate, no matter what they are.
- Playing the Victim
If you often play the victim in your interactions, this can be a manipulative tactic to control your partnerâs feelings. By positioning yourself as the one who is hurt or wronged, you may unintentionally shift the focus away from your partnerâs needs.
Encouraging Accountability
Acknowledging your role in the relationship dynamics is crucial. Instead of playing the victim, take responsibility for your actions and work together to improve the situation.
Conclusion
Recognising these signs is the first step toward building healthier relationship dynamics. If you find yourself identifying with several of these behaviours, it may be time to pause, reflect, and seek support. Therapy or couples counselling can offer valuable tools to help you understand the roots of controlling behaviours and develop more respectful, emotionally attuned ways of connecting with your partner.
By becoming more aware of how your actions affect your partnerâs emotions, you can move from control to compassion, creating space for both individuals to feel seen, heard, and valued.
Understanding the signs that you may be trying to control your partnerâs feelings is an important step, but you donât have to go through it alone. Whether you’re searching for the best psychologist near me or exploring online options, TalktoAngel offers online counselling with trained psychologists who can support your emotional growth, self-awareness, and behavioural change, all from the comfort of your home. Prefer in-person guidance? The experienced therapists at Psychowellness Center in Janakpuri and Dwarka Sector-17, Delhi, offer compassionate offline counselling to help you turn insight into action and your potential into progress.
This blog, featuring expert guidance from Clinical Psychologist Dr. R.K. Suri and Counselling Psychologist Ms. Swati Yadav, shares their professional perspectives on building long-term emotional resilience and practical coping methods.
Posted on 20 August 2025.
References
Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with individuals, couples, and families. The Guilford Press.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the countryâs foremost relationship expert. Harmony Books.
Lerner, H. G. (2001). The dance of anger: A woman’s guide to changing the patterns of intimate relationships. HarperCollins.
https://www.psychowellnesscenter.com/Blog/feeling-unheard-by-your-partner-things-to-try/
https://www.psychowellnesscenter.com/service-relationship-issues-counselling-delhi/