Trauma is defined as any distressing event that causes significant anxiety, helplessness, dissociation, disorientation, or other disruptive feelings that are strong enough to have a negative, long-lasting effect on an individualâs attitudes, behaviours, and various facets of functioning.
Traumatic incidents encompass those instigated by human actions (for instance, rape, warfare, industrial mishaps) as well as those resulting from natural phenomena (such as earthquakes) and frequently challenge a person’s perception of the world as a fair, secure, and predictable environment. This includes any severe physical injury, such as extensive burns or a head trauma.
What is Unprocessed Trauma?
It is important to resolve this trauma for the well-being of the individual. Individuals carrying unresolved emotional baggage may struggle with trust and vulnerability, leading to difficulty in establishing and managing relationships.
Physiological Mechanism of trauma: The Body Keeps the Score
Unprocessed trauma does not vanish with time, it embeds itself deep within the body and mind, often shaping how individuals react, relate, and regulate emotions.
According to van der Kolk (2015), trauma is not just an emotional experience but a physiological one that alters the brain’s stress response systems, impairing a personâs ability to feel safe or connect with others. It further triggers a cascade of physiological responses designed to protect the individual from threat. These responses are rooted in the brain’s survival systems, primarily involving the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex, as well as the autonomic nervous system (ANS).
Trauma changes the brain and body. It dysregulates the systems responsible for safety, memory, emotion, and stress response. Without proper treatment, these physiological imprints persist, affecting everything from physical health to relationships.
Common Symptoms of Unprocessed Trauma
- Constant alertness and difficulty relaxing
- Trouble trusting others or opening up
- Low self-worth
- Anger and poor emotional regulation
- Sleep problems (e.g., insomnia, nightmares)
- Somatic focus (distress about bodily symptoms)
- Physical flashbacks involving senses (touch, smell, etc.)
- Mental health issues like anxiety, depression, PTSD, or substance abuse
Impact of Unprocessed Trauma in Marriage
Trauma doesn’t always announce its presence with loud alarms. Often, it lingers quietly, affecting our relationships in ways we might not immediately recognise. In the context of marriage, trauma survivors often fear that opening up could lead to further harm. This guardedness can hinder emotional intimacy, making partners feel disconnected or unloved. It can subtly influence behaviours, emotions, and interactions, leading to misunderstandings and emotional distance.
In marriage, these bodily imprints can lead to unconscious behavioursâemotional withdrawal, hypersensitivity to conflict, or mistrustâthat slowly erode intimacy. Healing, therefore, must address both the mind and body, recognising that unresolved trauma isnât just rememberedâitâs relived through physical and emotional patterns until itâs safely processed.
8 Subtle Signs of Unprocessed Trauma to look out for in your marriageÂ
Here are 8 subtle signs in a marriage that may indicate one or both partners are dealing with unprocessed trauma:
- Emotional Withdrawal or Numbing
One partner may become emotionally distant, avoiding intimacy or shutting down during conflict. This is often a protective mechanism to avoid triggering painful memories or emotions. - Disproportionate Reactions to Minor Issues
Intense anger, sadness, or anxiety in response to seemingly small problems may signal that unresolved trauma is influencing emotional regulation. - Avoidance of Vulnerability
If a partner consistently avoids deep conversations, sharing feelings, or expressing needs, it could be due to fear rooted in past traumatic experiences. - Difficulty Trusting Even When Trust is Earned
Chronic suspicion, jealousy, or fear of betrayalâdespite a history of loyaltyâcan stem from betrayal or abandonment in past relationships or childhood. - Hypervigilance or Control-Seeking Behaviour
One partner may insist on controlling schedules, finances, or social interactions as a way to feel safe and prevent perceived chaos or danger. - Frequent Miscommunication and Misinterpretation
Trauma can alter perception. A neutral comment may be interpreted as a threat or criticism, leading to frequent misunderstandings and defensiveness. - Low Self-Worth or Chronic Guilt
A partner might apologise excessively, dismiss their own needs, or feel unworthy of loveâcommon effects of unhealed trauma, especially from abuse or neglect. - Patterns of Escapism or Distraction
Overuse of work, technology, alcohol, or other distractions to avoid emotional presence in the relationship may signal an attempt to suppress trauma-related distress.
How to Support a Partner with Trauma
If you recognise these signs in your relationship, seeking help from a trauma-informed therapist can be a critical step toward healing and improving the marital bond.
- Learn About Trauma Together
Understanding how trauma affects the brain and body helps reframe your partnerâs reactions not as personal attacks, but as stress responses. This awareness builds compassion and helps your partner take ownership of their healing journey.
- Recognise Triggers (Yours and Theirs)
Emotional outbursts often stem from hidden triggers linked to past pain. For example, a fear of abandonment may be behind your partnerâs strong reaction to a temporary separation.
- Set Boundaries With Empathy
If one or both partners need space or protection from harmful dynamics, clear and kind boundaries are essential. Trauma work can stir up intense emotions, and it’s okay to take breaks from conflict or postpone sensitive conversations until you’re regulated.
- Seek Professional Support
When trauma disrupts your relationship, therapy can help. Individual or couples counselling offers tools to break destructive patterns and foster healthy communication.
Effective Therapeutic Approaches for Trauma in Marriage
- Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR)
EMDR is intended to lessen the emotional intensity of traumatic memories by assisting the brain in safely processing and integrating them. It is highly effective for trauma survivors and can be used individually or alongside couples therapy. - Somatic Experiencing (SE)
This body-centred therapy focuses on releasing trauma stored in the nervous system through awareness of bodily sensations. SE helps individuals reconnect with their bodies, regulate stress responses, and decrease traumaâs hold on their emotions and relationships. - Internal Family Systems (IFS)
IFS explores the âpartsâ within each personâdifferent emotional states or beliefs that may be at odds. By understanding these internal parts and their roles, individuals can develop self-compassion and reduce internal conflict that spills over into marriage. - Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (TF-CBT)
TF-CBT combines trauma-sensitive interventions with traditional CBT techniques. It helps partners recognise and reframe negative thought patterns while building healthier behaviours. - Couples Therapy with a Trauma-Informed Approach
Therapists trained in trauma recognise how unprocessed trauma affects relational dynamics and work with couples to build safety, trust, and connection.
Conclusion
Addressing and moving toward recovery are crucial if you or your spouse have gone through a traumatic event. If not, it might negatively impact a number of areas of your life. Prioritizing healing not only fosters individual growth but also creates a foundation for lasting connection and mutual care.
To find the “best psychologist near me,” contact 011-47039812 or 7827208707 to make an appointment at the Psychowellness Centre in Janakpuri or Dwarka. Clients who desire the convenience of online therapy, catered to their emotional needs can also benefit from the TalktoAngel platform.
You can also seek expert guidance from Dr. R.K. Suri, a distinguished clinical psychologist and experienced life coach, as well as Ms. Garima Tiwari, a respected counseling psychologist.
This blog was posted on 19 July 2025
References:
Amen Clinics. (2023). 3 surprising ways trauma contributes to marital conflict. Retrieved from https://www.amenclinics.com/blog/3-surprising-ways-trauma-contributes-to-marital-conflict/
Serendipity AZ. (2023). Ten ways trauma can affect your marriage. Retrieved from https://serendipityaz.com/blog/ten-ways-trauma-can-affect-your-marriage/
The Good Human Academy. (2023). Is unintegrated childhood trauma affecting your marriage? Retrieved from https://thegoodhumanacademy.com/blog/is-unintegrated-childhood-trauma-affecting-your-marriage
Jarnagin, T. (2023, September 8). 5 signs your partner may be struggling with unresolved trauma: A therapistâs perspective. Trisha Jarnagin, LMFT. Retrieved from https://www.trishalmft.com/blog/ptsd-relationship-partner-signs-symptoms
Bremner, J. D. (2006). Traumatic stress: Effects on the brain. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 8(4), 445â461.https://doi.org/10.31887/DCNS.2006.8.4/jbremner
Shin, L. M., Rauch, S. L., & Pitman, R. K. (2006). Amygdala, medial prefrontal cortex, and hippocampal function in PTSD. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1071, 67â79. https://doi.org/10.1196/annals.1364.007
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