The loss of a parent or sibling is one of the most devastating experiences a child can face. Death not only brings grief and sadness but can also trigger long-term emotional, behavioural, and physical challenges. Children, depending on their age and understanding of death, may struggle with stress, anxiety, depression, and even trauma. As adults, itâs vital to create a supportive environment that helps them process their emotions and rebuild a sense of safety and stability. This blog explores how parents, caregivers, and educators can help children navigate grief while addressing related emotional and physical problems, behavioural issues, and other challenges that may arise after the loss of a loved one.
1. Understanding a Childâs Grief
Children grieve differently from adults. While adults may express their pain through tears or verbal communication, children often show their grief through changes in behaviour, mood, or daily routines. Younger children may not fully understand the permanence of death and may ask when the deceased person will return. Older children and teens, on the other hand, might struggle with feelings of guilt, anger, or loneliness. Grief can manifest in many ways, such as sleep and attachment disorders, lack of interest in favourite activities, or difficulties concentrating at school. Itâs essential to remember that grief in children is not a single event but an ongoing process. They may revisit their loss at different developmental stages and need reassurance and support each time.
When a child loses a parent or sibling, their sense of security is shaken. This can lead to overwhelming stress and anxiety about the future ââWho will take care of me?â or âWhat if someone else dies?â are common fears. Persistent worry or sadness can evolve into childhood depression, marked by withdrawal, irritability, or frequent crying. These emotional reactions are not signs of weakness but normal responses to an abnormal situation. However, if depression persists for weeks or months, it may signal the need for professional intervention. Encouraging open communication and reassuring the child that their feelings are valid can help them process these emotions. Children need to hear that itâs okay to cry, to miss their loved one, and to ask questions â no matter how difficult those questions might be.
2. Recognising Trauma and Behavioural Issues
In some cases, a childâs grief becomes traumatic grief â when the circumstances surrounding the death are sudden, violent, or witnessed by the child. This can lead to flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance of reminders, or emotional numbness.
Trauma can disrupt normal development, affecting how a child relates to others and perceives the world around them. A previously calm child might begin to show behavioural issues, such as aggression, defiance, or withdrawal. Others may experience sleep disturbances, attachment disorders, or clinginess, fearing that other loved ones might also die or disappear.
When these symptoms interfere with daily life, seeking help from a child psychologist or grief counsellor can be invaluable. Early intervention can prevent deeper emotional scars and help children learn coping strategies that promote healing.
3.The Role of the Family: Addressing Family Problems After a Loss
The death of a family member can create significant family problems. Each member may cope differently, and this can lead to misunderstandings or emotional distance. For example, a surviving parent dealing with their own grief might unintentionally neglect the emotional needs of their children. Families need to grieve together. Shared rituals â such as visiting the grave, creating a memory box, or celebrating birthdays â help maintain a connection with the deceased while providing comfort and unity. Open communication within the family is crucial. Encourage every member, even the youngest, to express how they feel. Let children see that sadness and tears are normal, but also show them that life can still include moments of laughter, love, and hope.
4. Physical Manifestations of Grief
Grief not only affects emotions; it also impacts the body. Children may experience emotional and physical problems such as headaches, stomachaches, fatigue, or changes in appetite. These symptoms often stem from prolonged stress and emotional turmoil.
Additionally, sleep disorders are common â some children may have nightmares, fear sleeping alone, or wake frequently at night. These reactions reflect the childâs internal struggle to regain a sense of safety. Maintaining consistent routines, healthy meals, and physical activity can help stabilise their body and mind during this period.
5.Managing Anger and Guilt
Many grieving children experience intense anger. They might feel angry at the deceased for leaving, at God for allowing it, or at themselves for not preventing it. Some children even express anger toward surviving family members, friends, or teachers.
Others may carry guilt, believing they somehow caused the death. Adults must gently reassure children that the death was not their fault and that their feelings of anger or guilt are natural. Providing outlets â such as drawing, writing, or physical play â allows children to express and release pent-up emotions safely.
6.Addressing Lack of Interest and Social Withdrawal
After a major loss, itâs common for children to lose interest in hobbies, friends, or schoolwork. This lack of interest can be a sign of grief-related depression or emotional exhaustion.
Caregivers should avoid forcing children to âmove onâ too quickly. Instead, they can help the child re-engage gradually by offering gentle encouragement and structured activities. Spending time outdoors, engaging in art, or volunteering can reignite a sense of purpose and connection.
7.Supporting Healing and Building Resilience
Healing after loss doesnât mean forgetting the deceased; it means finding a new way to remember them while continuing to live meaningfully. Adults play a vital role in helping children rebuild resilience by providing consistent love, structure, and reassurance.
Here are some strategies to support healing:
- Listen actively: Allow children to talk freely about their loved one without judgment.
- Encourage creative expression: Art, music, or storytelling can help externalise feelings.
- Maintain routines: Predictability provides comfort and a sense of normalcy.
- Model healthy coping: Children learn by observing how adults manage their grief.
- Seek professional help: Therapists specialising in grief, trauma, or child psychology can provide targeted support when needed.
8.When to Seek Professional Help
While many children eventually adapt with family support, others may develop lasting emotional or behavioural challenges. Seek professional guidance if you notice:
- Persistent sadness or depression lasting more than a few weeks
- Severe anxiety or sleep disorders
- Intense anger or aggression
- Academic decline or behavioural issues at school
- Social isolation or lack of interest in normal activities
- Physical complaints without a medical explanation
Grief counselling, trauma therapy, or family therapy can help both the child and surviving relatives work through complex emotions and rebuild a healthy family dynamic.
Conclusion: Love, Patience, and Connection
Helping a child cope with the death of a parent or sibling is a delicate journey that requires love, patience, and understanding. While grief may bring stress, anxiety, depression, and family problems, it can also teach resilience and compassion when guided with care.
By addressing emotional and physical problems, validating feelings of anger, and recognising signs of behavioural issues, adults can support children in finding hope again. With the right balance of emotional support, structure, and professional help when needed, children can heal â carrying their loved oneâs memory as a source of strength rather than pain.
Contribution: Dr. R.K. Suri, Clinical Psychologist, and Ms. Drishti Rajore, Counselling Psychologist
REFERENCES
- McCarthy, T. (n.d.). Helping children cope with death. Mayo Clinic Press. Retrieved from https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/parenting/helping-children-cope-with-death/ Mayo Clinic McPress
- Bylund-Grenklo, T., Steineck, G., FĂŒrst, C. J., Nyberg, T., Sjöberg, A., & Lindqvist, O. (2014). Childrenâs reactions to parental and sibling death. Child: Care, Health and Development, 40(5), 666-673. (PubMed ID 16539886) PubMed
- Attig, T., Schenck, S., Friedman, J., & Wiegandt, A. P. (2017). When a parent dies: A systematic review of the effects of support programs for parentally bereaved children and their caregivers. BMC Palliative Care, 16, Article 39. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12904-017-0223-y BioMed Central