Learning the Art of Giving and Receiving Compliments

Compliments are small yet powerful tools that can uplift others, build trust, and create a culture of appreciation. Despite their simplicity, many people struggle with both Giving and receiving compliments . Learning the art of both can significantly improve communication, boost self-esteem, and strengthen relationships.

 

Why Compliments Matter

 

Compliments validate others’ qualities, efforts, or achievements. They serve as verbal affirmations that contribute to emotional well-being. According to a study by Zhang and Epley (2009), sincere compliments can make people feel more socially connected and appreciated. Giving and receiving compliments are more than polite gestures—they’re social rewards that reinforce positive behaviours and build rapport. At workplaces, compliments can increase motivation and morale.In intimate interactions, they encourage intimacy and trust. Even in brief social exchanges, a compliment can brighten someone’s day.

 

The Psychology Behind Compliments

 

Psychologically, compliments trigger the brain’s reward system, particularly the striatum, in ways similar to receiving money or social approval (Izuma et al., 2008). Receiving a genuine compliment activates feelings of pride and validation. For the giver, expressing appreciation can also elevate mood and enhance empathy. Yet, despite these benefits, many people find compliments awkward, especially when it comes to receiving them.

 

Why Compliments Feel Uncomfortable

 

Some people feel uneasy when complimented. They may downplay the compliment (“Oh, it was nothing”) or deflect it altogether. This discomfort can stem from low self-esteem, cultural norms, or fear of appearing arrogant (Miller, 1996). Others may suspect ulterior motives, especially in environments where trust is low.

 

Similarly, giving compliments can feel awkward. People may worry about coming across as insincere or intrusive, especially when complimenting someone of a different gender or authority level. The key lies in authenticity and appropriateness.

 

Giving Effective Compliments

 

Here are a few tips to help master the art of giving compliments:

 

•  Be Specific:- Generic compliments like “You’re great” might not carry much weight. Instead, be specific: “I admire how clearly you explained that concept during the meeting today.” This shows attentiveness and sincerity.

 

• Focus on Effort and Values:– Complimenting effort or character traits, rather than just appearance or results, can be more meaningful. For example: “You’ve thought a lot about this project. Your attention to detail shows.”

 

• Be Timely and Appropriate:-  compliment loses power if delayed or delivered in an inappropriate context. Timing matters. Praise people when the moment feels natural, and be mindful of cultural or personal boundaries.

 

• Match Tone and Body Language:- Your delivery should align with your message. Make eye contact, smile, and speak in a pleasant tone.  A mismatch between tone and words can make the compliment seem sarcastic or forced.

 

Receiving Compliments Gracefully

 

Receiving compliments well is a skill. Here’s how to embrace it

 

•  Say “Thank You”:– This simple response shows gratitude without awkwardness. Avoid deflecting or minimising the compliment. Saying “thank you” honours the giver’s intention.

 

• Acknowledge the Effort:- If someone praises your cooking, say: “Thank you! I attempted a new recipe, and I’m grateful that you have enjoyed it. This reaction appreciates both the compliment and the effort required.

 

• Practice Self-Acceptance:- Discomfort with compliments often stems from self-doubt. Developing self-worth makes it easier to accept praise without guilt or suspicion.

 

• Don’t One-Up:- Resist the urge to return a compliment immediately just to ‘even the score.’ While reciprocating is fine, it should be sincere and not transactional.

 

Compliments Across Cultures

 

Compliments are interpreted differently across cultures. In some Asian cultures, modesty is highly valued, and openly accepting compliments may be seen as boastful. In Western contexts, direct praise is more commonly accepted (Chen, 1993). Being culturally sensitive can help tailor compliments to fit the context.

 

Compliments in the Digital Age

 

Online compliments—like positive comments on social media—can foster community, but also feel superficial. To ensure your praise stands out, personalise your words rather than relying on emojis or one-word comments. On the receiving end, don’t underestimate the value of digital kindness—it can still carry emotional weight.

 

Teaching Compliment Skills

 

Educators and therapists often teach children and adults how to give and receive compliments as part of social skills training. For example, social stories or role-playing exercises can help individuals with social anxiety or autism spectrum disorders navigate these interactions more comfortably (Koenig et al., 2010).

 

Conclusion

 

Compliments are more than feel-good words—they are bridges between people. In learning to give and receive them graciously, we enhance not only our communication but also our empathy and human connection. Whether at work, home, or among friends, practising this simple art can leave a lasting impact.

 

For those who find it difficult to express or accept compliments due to low self-esteem, anxiety, or past experiences, seeking guidance from a mental health professional can be very helpful. Online counselling platforms like TalktoAngel provide access to qualified therapists who can help individuals build self-confidence, improve interpersonal skills, and foster emotional resilience. Learning the art of giving and receiving compliments can start in therapy and flow naturally into everyday life, strengthening both self-worth and relationships.

 

Contributed by Ms. Sheetal Chauhan, Counselling Psychologist.

 

References

 

• Chen, R. (1993). Responding to compliments: A contrastive study of politeness strategies between American English and Chinese speakers. Journal of Pragmatics, 20(1), 49–75. https://doi.org/10.1016/0378-2166(93)90106-Y

 

• Izuma, K., Saito, D. N., & Sadato, N. (2008). Processing of social and monetary rewards in the human striatum. Neuron, 58(2), 284–294. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuron.2008.03.020

 

• Koenig, K. P., DeLosReyes, A. R., Cicchetti, D., & Klin, A. (2010). Teaching social communication skills to children with autism spectrum disorder through role-playing and video modeling. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 40(4), 451–459. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-009-0881-4