Feeling lost in a world that often demands we be “okay” all the time? We’ve all been there. Itâs a common experience to feel a disconnect between whatâs happening on the inside our true emotions and what we show to the outside world. This may result in considerable confusion, anxiety, and a sense that we arenât being authentic. Learning how to be real to what you feel isn’t about being overly dramatic or emotional; it’s about building a healthier, more authentic relationship with yourself.
Acknowledging and Naming Your Emotions
You can’t work with what you don’t acknowledge. The first and most crucial step in being real to what you feel is simply stopping and paying attention. In our fast-paced lives, we often rush past our feelings without a second thought. This is known as emotional suppression, and it can lead to a buildup of stress and anxiety. To counter this, start by practising mindfulness. Spend a moment daily to stop and assess how you feel. Inquire, “What emotions am I experiencing at this moment?”
The next part is to name it. Instead of just saying, “I feel bad,” try to be more specific. Are you feeling frustrated, sad, anxious, or perhaps disappointed?
The more accurately you express your emotions, the clearer you’ll be about where they originate. By giving your emotions a name, you are validating their existence and giving yourself the power to understand and manage them, rather than letting them manage you.
Letting Go of Judgment
After identifying your emotions, the following step is to embrace them without criticism. This is often the hardest part because many of us have been taught that some emotions are “good” (like happiness and excitement) and others are “bad” (like anger and sadness). This internal voice that says, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” is a form of self-judgment that keeps us from being real.
The truth is, no emotion is inherently bad. Anger can be a signal that a boundary has been crossed. Sadness is a natural response to loss. Even anxiety can be a signal that you need to prepare for something important. By accepting these feelings as a normal part of the human experience, you create a safe space for them to exist. This practice is at the heart of radical acceptance, a concept from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). It’s not about liking the feeling, but about acknowledging, “Okay, I feel angry right now, and that’s a valid feeling.” This acknowledgement lessens inner turmoil and enables you to progress toward comprehending the reasons behind your feelings.
Exploring the Root of Your Feelings
Emotions don’t just appear out of nowhere; they are reactions to our experiences and thoughts. To be truly real to what you feel, you need to become a detective of your own inner world. This process is called emotional inquiry.
For example, if you feel anxious before a presentation, you might realise you’re afraid of being judged. If you’re feeling a deep sense of sadness, you might trace it back to a recent disappointment or a memory of a past loss. Keeping a feelings journal can be a powerful tool for this. Write down what you felt, when you felt it, and what was happening at the time. Over time, you may start to see patterns and triggers that you weren’t previously aware of.
Sharing Your Emotional Truths
Sharing your emotions with people you trust is a crucial step toward living an authentic life. This is called vulnerable communication. It’s not about complaining or being a burden; it’s about building genuine connection. When you say, “I’m feeling stressed about this deadline,” instead of just “I’m fine,” you’re inviting others to understand and support you.
However, sharing your feelings requires skill. Itâs important to use “I feel” statements, which focus on your personal experience rather than blaming the other person. For instance, say “I feel hurt when you cancel our plans last minute” instead of “You always hurt me.” This approach, known as non-violent communication, promotes understanding and reduces defensiveness.
What to Do When It’s Too Much
Sometimes, our emotions can feel overwhelming, like a storm we can’t navigate alone. If you are struggling to process your feelings, experiencing persistent sadness or anxiety, or finding that your emotions are negatively impacting your life, it is crucial to seek help.
Whom to Talk To and How to Seek Help
- Friends and Family: Start with someone you trust. Choose a person who is a good listener and won’t judge you.
- Support Groups: For specific issues like grief, anxiety, or addiction, a support group can provide a space to connect with people who have similar experiences. This can reduce feelings of isolation.
- Professional Help: This is often the most effective way to learn how to be real to what you feel. A therapist or counsellor is a trained professional who can provide a safe, confidential space for you to explore your emotions. They can teach you coping mechanisms and strategies to navigate complex feelings. You can reach out to a professional by searching for therapists online or by using online counselling platforms.
Remember, being real to what you feel is a journey; it takes practice, patience, and compassion for yourself. By learning to acknowledge, accept, understand, and express your emotions, you are not only building a healthier relationship with yourself but also paving the way for more authentic and meaningful connections with others.
Conclusion
In a world that often pressures us to âstay strongâ or âkeep smiling,â choosing to be honest about our emotions is a quiet act of courage. Itâs not a sign of weaknessâitâs a step toward self-awareness and healing. When you slow down to acknowledge, accept, and explore your feelings without judgment, you begin to build a more authentic connection with yourself and others. Exploring the ways to be real to what you feel can lead to greater emotional balance, inner peace, and healthier relationships.
If youâve ever found yourself searching for the best psychologist near me, know that support is just a call or click away. Consider reaching out to expert platforms like TalktoAngel, which offers private, secure online counselling for students and young professionals. Alternatively, you can visit the Psychowellness Centre in Delhi, with locations in Janakpuri and Dwarka Sector-17 (011-47039812 / 7827208707), where qualifiedpsychologistsprovide in-person therapy for concerns like academic pressure, emotional regulation, and anxiety.
Contributors: Dr. R.K. Suri, Clinical Psychologist, and Ms. Swati Yadav, Counselling Psychologist
This blog was posted on 15 September 2025
References
Gross, J. J. (2002). Emotion regulation: Affective, cognitive, and social consequences. Psychophysiology, 39(3), 281â291. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0048577201393198
Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualisation of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85â101. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032
Knowing what you’re feeling and knowing what to do about it: Mapping the relation between emotion differentiation and emotion regulation. Cognition & Emotion, 15(6), 713â724. https://doi.org/10.1080/02699930143000239
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