Sibling relationships are some of the most influential and emotionally charged bonds we experience in life. They can be warm and supportive, but they can also be turbulent, competitive, and filled with conflict. Nearly every parent who has more than one child has witnessed sibling rivalry: the endless bickering, competition for attention, and subtle (or not-so-subtle) jealousy that brews between brothers and sisters.
While some degree of rivalry is natural and even healthy, it teaches negotiation, empathy, and problem-solving; unchecked sibling rivalry can take a darker turn. Over time, it can shape how children view respect, authority, and relationships. If not managed properly, it can lead to disrespectful behavior, not only toward siblings, but toward parents, teachers, and even peers.
In this post, we’ll explore how sibling rivalry develops, why it sometimes escalates into disrespect, and how parents can intervene before it becomes a lasting behavioral pattern.
Understanding Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry usually begins early in childhood. It’s rooted in competition for resources, most notably, parental attention and approval. When one child perceives that another receives more affection, praise, or privileges, feelings of jealousy and resentment emerge. This competition can manifest as teasing, arguments, physical fights, or emotional withdrawal.
What’s important to recognize is that rivalry itself isn’t inherently bad. Healthy competition can motivate children to strive for improvement. The problem arises when rivalry is accompanied by comparison, favoritism, or inconsistent discipline. That’s when normal sibling tension can evolve into chronic disrespectful behavior.
From Rivalry to Disrespect: The Psychological Pathway
So how does simple sibling competition morph into a pattern of disrespect? Let’s break it down.
1. Constant Comparison Breeds Insecurity
“Why can’t you be more like your sister?” is a common comparison made between children.” or “Your brother never acts that way”, it undermines their self-esteem. They begin to feel that love and respect must be earned rather than freely given. Insecure children often act out as a way to regain a sense of control or importance.
Disrespect then becomes a tool, a way to assert independence or push boundaries when they feel overshadowed by a sibling.
2. Jealousy Turns into Resentment
Unresolved jealousy between siblings can lead to deep resentment, not just toward the favored sibling but also toward parents. A child who believes they are “less loved” might challenge authority figures or adopt dismissive, sarcastic, or defiant behavior. What starts as sibling jealousy can easily spill over into a broader pattern of disrespect toward anyone perceived as “in charge.”
3. Modeling Negative Behavior
Children are keen observers. If they see one sibling “getting away” with disrespectful or manipulative behavior, they might imitate it. Over time, this behavior becomes normalized within the family dynamic. The home becomes a breeding ground for sarcasm, defiance, and verbal disrespect.
4. Competition for Power
Sibling rivalry often involves a struggle for dominance, who’s the “leader,” who’s the “favorite,” who gets to decide what to watch or play. When these small power struggles aren’t resolved constructively, children may develop a habit of using disrespect, such as ignoring, mocking, or interrupting, to assert superiority. That same attitude can later appear in classrooms, friendships, and workplaces.
5. Parents’ Role in Reinforcing the Cycle
Sometimes, parents unintentionally reinforce disrespectful behavior by responding inconsistently. If one child’s bad attitude is ignored while the other is reprimanded harshly, resentment grows. Or if parents constantly intervene instead of letting siblings resolve conflicts, children may never learn how to express disagreement respectfully.
In essence, the way rivalry is handled at home teaches children what kind of behavior is acceptable.
The Emotional Fallout
Unchecked sibling rivalry doesn’t just create short-term behavioral problems; it can also leave lasting emotional scars. Children who grow up in highly competitive or disrespectful sibling environments may struggle with trust, empathy, and cooperation later in life. They might carry those patterns into adult relationships, viewing others as competitors rather than partners.
Moreover, persistent disrespect can damage the sibling bond itself. What could have been a lifelong friendship turns into emotional distance. Many adults report strained relationships with their siblings due to unresolved childhood rivalry.
Signs That Sibling Rivalry Is Turning Toxic
Parents can look out for warning signs that rivalry is moving beyond normal childhood conflict:
- Constant insults, name-calling, or belittling between siblings
- Frequent defiance or backtalk toward parents following sibling arguments
- Refusal to share, cooperate, or spend time together
- One child always “dominating” while the other withdraws
- Anger outbursts that don’t seem appropriate for the circumstances
- Signs of anxiety or low self-esteem in one or both children
When these patterns persist, it’s a signal that rivalry has become more than sibling banter, it’s a behavioral and emotional issue that needs addressing.
Breaking the Cycle: How Parents Can Help
The good news is that sibling rivalry, and the disrespect it can breed, is manageable. It requires patience, consistency, and a proactive approach from parents. Here’s how:
1. Avoid Comparisons
Each child is unique. Instead of comparing achievements or behavior, celebrate individuality. Phrases like “You’re both good at different things” help children value themselves without feeling inferior.
2. Teach Respect as a Family Value
Respect should be a non-negotiable rule in the household. Encourage kind speech, active listening, and empathy. When disrespect occurs, address it immediately and calmly, without shaming, but with clear consequences.
3. Promote Teamwork, Not Competition
Give siblings opportunities to cooperate, whether it’s a shared household task, a creative project, or a family game that requires teamwork. Shared successes strengthen their bond and reduce rivalry.
4. Spend Individual Time with Each Child
Children crave validation. Regular one-on-one time with each child communicates that they are equally valued, reducing jealousy and the need to “compete” for your attention.
5. Model Respectful Conflict Resolution
Children observe their parents to learn how to resolve conflicts. When disagreements arise between adults, demonstrate calm discussion, empathy, and compromise. This models the behavior you want to see between your children.
6. Set Clear Boundaries
Establish rules for how disagreements should be handled, no yelling, name-calling, or physical aggression. Consistent enforcement teaches children that disrespect has real consequences.
7. Praise Positive Interactions
When you notice your children being kind, cooperative, or supportive of one another, acknowledge it. Positive reinforcement strengthens the behaviors you want to see.
Conclusion
One of the most prevalent problems in family life is sibling rivalry. But while it’s normal, it’s not harmless when left unchecked. What begins as playful competition can evolve into disrespectful behavior that affects not only the sibling relationship but also a child’s overall attitude toward others.
Parents play a pivotal role in shaping how rivalry unfolds, either into empathy and respect, or into resentment and defiance. By fostering open communication, emphasizing individuality, and modeling mutual respect, families can turn rivalry into resilience, and competition into connection.
In the end, the goal isn’t to eliminate rivalry altogether; it’s to teach children how to navigate it with empathy, fairness, and respect. When that happens, siblings not only grow up as family but as lifelong allies, capable of building healthy and respectful relationships in every part of their lives.
When sibling rivalry begins to impact a child’s behavior, emotional well-being, or respect toward others, seeking professional guidance can be highly beneficial. Family counselling and child-focused interventions at the Psychowellness Center in Dwarka Sector-17 and Janakpuri (011-47039812 / 7827208707) offer structured support to address sibling conflict, improve communication, and strengthen healthy family dynamics. Therapeutic approaches such as family therapy, parental therapy, play therapy, CBT-based behavior modification, and emotion regulation skills training help children express feelings constructively while guiding parents toward consistent and respectful discipline strategies. For families seeking flexible support, TalktoAngel also provides online counselling with trained child and family psychologists. With timely intervention, sibling rivalry can be transformed into cooperation, empathy, and long-term relational resilience.
Contribution: Dr. R.K. Suri, Clinical Psychologist, and Ms. Drishti Rajore, Counselling Psychologist
References
- Bala, N., Ahlawat, P., & Khushbu. (2024). Techniques for managing and reducing sibling rivalry: A comprehensive review. International Journal of Health Sciences, 9(1). https://doi.org/10.53730/ijhs.v9nS1.14997 Science Scholar
- Fitri, R. A., & Erwinda, L. (2024). The influence of toxic parenting on sibling rivalry among high school students. Journal of Counseling and Educational Research, 1(2), 91–98. https://doi.org/10.63203/jcerch.v1i2.120 AAPBK Journal
- Jatmiko, A., & Mulya, N. (2023). The impact of sibling rivalry on the 5 to 6 years old children’s characters. Al-Athfal: Jurnal Ilmiah Pendidikan Anak Usia Dini. DOI: 10.24042/00202361907300 Raden Intan Journal
- Kamil, N., Narjis, K., & Sope, Y. A. (2023). Sibling rivalry: Are gender differences or age ranges of birth the cause of social jealousy. Gender Equality: International Journal of Child and Gender Studies, 10(1). https://doi.org/10.22373/equality.v10i1.20909 UIN Ar-Raniry Journal Portal
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